I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
