I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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