First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
