No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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