I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
