i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
