If that was your dad, he is hot
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
