Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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