Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
This is the high leading the old right now
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
