Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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