Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It's just like the Real World with babies
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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