Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize