Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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