dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Of course I have a pirate flag
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
