It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
do nipples grow back?
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