you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
