So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
