im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
