dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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