he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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