well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize