I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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