the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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