Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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