Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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