Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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