Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
