Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
