so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
