i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
