so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
