Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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