then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Found the puke drawer
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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