I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
