so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
you inspire me to be a worse person
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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