dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
