i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
