Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
