ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
