you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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