And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i think i have two assholes
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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