well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
