is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize