I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
