Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
