I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
