It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
this will be a night to untag.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
