either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
