Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
