I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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