$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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