my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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