I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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