its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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