he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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