You're a womanizer and a bitch.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
