sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
