just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My breasts were aching with rage.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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