what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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