No awkward lesbian experiences without me
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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