i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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