I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Randomize
