Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
