I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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