So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
