His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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