I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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