"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
