you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
