i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
