he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I queefed so loud it echoed.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
