He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'm having to shit out rocks
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