Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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