Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
