I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
