He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
