Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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