just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
