okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
