ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
