Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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